I have had a difficult time writing this. Not only because it is personal, but because it is also unsettling, unique, even frightening. Some of you may be aware that I suffered a stroke just about a year ago. Lots of people suffer strokes. I have been fortunate in my rehabilitation. I can talk. I can walk. I can write. I can take care of myself. These were not the case in the first three weeks following the stroke. So let me say to all my medical support, nurses and therapists thank you very much. Now, it is just me and the daily mental battle of rehab vs retrogression. No big deal. Humans seem to need battles to excel, to live. Strange as it seems.
For me, it is the first three weeks that perplex me, that put me into some kind of twilight zone between dreams and real life. It had been signed off at the time as stroke induced dreams but they came in such volume, in such intensity, with such fear. Then a couple days after a full night dream wherein I had violently struggled to free myself from entrapment, I noticed an horrendous bruise on my thigh at a place that could have easily occurred in my dream, so I had to ask myself dream or real life? And if it was real life why do I not recall my activities that night? I only recall the ‘dream’ and that ‘dream’ did not occur in the hospital.
Because of these uncertainties, I feel obliged to recall them in detail. Those ‘dreams’ in detail will become a series of short stories, if I have the fortitude to work through them. Fortitude? Well, since the stroke, one of the lingering effects has been my inability to even come close to multi-tasking. So I have stepped away from what many of us see as the natural multi-tasking complexities of the modern Western world.
The following set of photos exemplify what I find as simply satisfying in life these days. And when I try to resolve the awkward and fearful complexities of the first three weeks after my stroke…I rarely have the will power to remember or the endurance to examine. Rather I go out for a walk in the fresh air. The therapists call it looking to the future instead of the past. I can live with that; but the dream versus real life intrigues me.
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Thank you.
I can relate to your story, mine is medically different and has been a slow climb for almost 3 years to what I could be but not to what I was. And so as I reinvent myself, a new me with new ways to deal with everyday life from different perspectives . So what have I lost because of my condition have also help me discover other qualities, strength, talents and much more. It is not easy, sometimes one step forward takes me two steps back. I hope this help and I wish you health and fast recovery.
Trying and resolving is ok. Greeting each day strongly. Working. Every little helps. For sure. Will get around the bend. Thank you.
I can see why this may have been a difficult post for you to write, but I hope that you will have been able to resolve some of your concerns and anxieties in committing it to public view. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves we can only do what we can do, trite I know but not intended as a recipe for resignation but acceptance that it’s better to try than not try at all.
Lovely inspiring photos, partly envious of your spectacular scenery — though I know ours in the hills of Wales is not bad either!
Sometimes an illness or a stroke can give you a hint for your life of what to do or what not to do. Maybe it’s good to let everything slow down a bit and to find satisfaction in very small things that we usually tend to forget. I wish you a successful rehab and a nice weekend, regards Mitza